September 10-thoughts from this week

This week’s update is split into two sections. Thoughts from the week and fun things from the week equipped with some pics. The “thoughts from the week” is this one…it’s long, but pretty in depth of what’s going on in my heart. For pics of some of the things we did this week…skip down to the next blog entry…September 10 fun things/pics. (I know the title uses quite the vocab!)

I’ve been listening to many 9/11-radio memoirs on BBC news in my car this week. It seems almost odd to me that five years have passed since the attacks. It seems fresh because I can recount that whole morning perfectly clear. You know how people always say during an event like that you will remember exactly where you were. It’s true for me. But at the same time it seems far away when I think about other things that happened five years ago like when I lived with Abby Crane, a roommate I never talk to anymore.

So the meaning of attack has literally been in my face this week. This week’s blog will be hard to be open about at some points but that’s the good news…we’re all ugly inside and that’s why we need Jesus.

Attack- to take aggressive action against (a place or enemy forces with weapons or armed force, typically in a battle or war. (of person or animal) to act against aggressively in an attempt to injure or kill.

This week the enemy has attacked me in my thoughts over and over, the battle over my mind. That’s what he does. He wants to kill our relationship with the Lord and cause hurt to those we’re closest to. He wants us to be unsure and led astray from the Holy Spirit’s power in our lives. He wants us to think for one moment that he can lead us to something better. That’s what he did to Jesus. So why wouldn’t he want to with us?

So what has this looked like in my life this past week? Ugly and hurtful thoughts about those who I’m in close relationship including the family I live with especially against Kirk and Nicole. I started picking apart their faults and not extending grace to them at all. Focusing on our differences and what they “should’ be doing. Thoughts that I’m no good at videography. Thoughts that I’m not doing enough here and worries that I might be lazy. Thoughts running through my head of other missionaries and wanting what they have. Thoughts that I’ve handled situations beautifully, therefore being prideful that I might have had more to do in that situation than God.

Here’s the be careful not to have too much pride one…..Tuesday was a day where I felt God’s presence and had to relinquish control over to Him. I had a wreck. I was making a quick turn left when a motorcycle ran into the driver’s side of my car when he was trying to “overtake” or pass me on the left. He came out of nowhere. He flew off the motorbike before it hit a parked 18-wheeler and thankfully he had been stopped an hour earlier by a policeman and told to “put on his helmet” having no idea later he would be in an accident. I’m so thankful of the many provisions God gave to all those involved that day. After the collision I got out of my car to check and see if he was ok. I could feel the adrenaline pumping and I know he had to be scared. Then it hit me. I had no idea what to do next.

Enter angels.

Stephanie, my friend who is here to teach at AIS, a new school, was in the car with me. Her husband and the project manager were walking back to the school and were on the scene about 1 minute after it happened. I moved my car out of the street, as it was getting honks being in the way.

Then the mob of about 30 Ghanaians formed around Stephanie, Jimmy (her husband) and me. None of us speak Twi fluently so we had no idea what was being said or shall I say screamed.

This was a day I will never forget because of the many cultural lessons I learned. So there stood Jimmy, Stephanie and me. I started dialing numbers on my cell phone trying to see what I needed to do next. Thankfully there were times that Areeba would work, it’s been really bad cell phone service lately, and I got through to Claire who was thirty minutes away and headed my way as quick as she could.

Here you have to go and get the police to report and accident. I had been told by veteran missionaries to wait there for the police. In the meantime the mob that had formed was getting louder and louder and had convinced the guy on the motorbike he probably had internal injuries and was going to die. Let me just say, it’s amazing the influence a mob can have. So he left and then the mob started saying many things including the fact that I didn’t care if the guy lived or died and I was too worried about the police coming. I started praying the moment it happened and I know Jesus was there because I never got scared in a sense that I thought something bad might happen. But it wasn’t like how we would handle this type of situation in the States at all.

Here if you don’t scream and yell for what you think is right, then it’s perceived that you are either lying or don’t really care about the stance you’re taking. So it made me want to learn Twi even faster so next time maybe I can understand and defend myself a little better. Thankfully the Lord provided William. I had been to the school that morning and met William.

What he didn’t know that was thirty minutes later he would spend the better part of Tuesday helping me relate to “the mob.”

It took William about an hour to get the police to the scene. During that time I left to go and check on Richard, the guy on the motorbike. He had gone a couple blocks to a local clinic. I was headed down the road when I saw him walking, so I picked him up. It was the first time we had one on one and I asked him how he was doing and he responded in a very nice fashion. He told me he just wanted to settle without having the police involved because he had to be somewhere shortly. It was around 12:30 pm Tuesday. I told him we had to wait for the police and he said that was ok since they were in route. But when we got back to the “scene” the mob persuaded him that I should just pay for everything and we should call it a day. However in my heart I knew we should wait. I started praying the police officer would be fair and not just assume it was my fault simply because I’m white and perceived to have money. So we stayed. When the police officer arrived he constantly spoke Twi and we asked for him to speak English so I could understand. I hated not knowing the language; thankfully William and Claire were there so we could pick up on what was going on. Sweet Stephanie stood by my side the whole time in case I needed someone to back me up and to just be there for moral support. The funniest thing was when the investigator pulled out a can of paint and started spreading it on the ground. Remember I had moved my car out of the road, so I had no proof of where it was when the accident happened. Some of the “mob” started pointing out specs of paint that could have been thrown about after the crash…anyway…after about 30 minutes of the police officer doing whatever it was he was doing? We got in the car to go to the station. I didn’t think it would be fair for one of us to ride with the investigator (by the way that’s what they call officers here…and the blinker is called the travigator) so when Richard hopped in the car with the officer, I hopped right in too. Not going to get a word in without me there…right. They spoke Twi the whole time, so then I pulled out the charm card. I’ll just try and charm the officer with the fact that I’m taking Twi classes, which I missed because of the wreck. I also spoke what little I knew…and you know what Jesus glorified it all….we all started laughing and I had more conversation with Richard in the car. When we got to the station, about three hours after the whole thing started, I realized Richard was a very nice young man. (he’s 26) At the station is when things turned around. He told me that if he didn’t get anything from the obruni that he would be considered a fool and that’s why he couldn’t back down when we were surrounded by all those people. And these words just came out of my mouth and I know it was the Holy Spirit. I said, “Richard you have to search your heart whether or not it’s more important to you to do what’s right or do what will make other’s like you.” Then we talked about him paying for the taillight on the 18-wheeler that was busted and I offered to pay for his medical expenses. But when we went to tell the officer that everything would be settled between us, he told the officer that he was responsible and would pay for everything. I know it was only one person, but it was huge for him and a blessing for me to get to see. Since then Richard and I took the new taillight to the truck’s owner and we’ve had some really cool conversations. But the thing I think you have to be careful about after a great experience like that is thinking, hey I’m good at being Christian I handled that pretty well….all the glory goes to G. But sometimes you just want to relish in “having handled that really well.” J

Now Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were the days I just really started being attacked more in my mind and thoughts. It’s almost easier coming out of an experience like a wreck and asking for Jesus than it is when your by yourself and having terrible thoughts about those you love. It’s not as glorious and you don’t receive near the kudos of “handling that situation well” when you learn how to love those you’re close too as compared to having not “lost it” during a wreck. Probably because we don’t REALLY want to share those disgusting thoughts with others therefore nobody really knows how to congratulate you since they didn’t really know you were struggling in the first place.

Does this make sense?

All of this to say….the Lord led me to read James 4 yesterday and it spoke right to my heart. Everything I thought about last week was right there in those verses. I have learned this week that living in community with others is hard. But it’s not something God can’t use to reshape and continue to transform our hearts…this morning Nicole and I had a walk and during it we had a great conversation learning even more about each other’s struggles and how we are doing at living in community with each other. I know that conversation came because of prayer. I am so thankful of the prayer team back home and especially how God uses others to pour His love on us. Friday morning in the middle of a breakdown God put it on Marley’s heart to call me. And also on Tiff’s heart to send an e-mail that made me sit in my chair and beg for God’s mercy. It’s such a blessing to see how God uses the friends he puts in our lives.

I am learning more and more about warfare and attacks. I think we rationalize things first like am I tired, am I getting enough exercise, is there a certain time in the month I need to be aware of. But I also want the thought is this spiritual warfare to be in that list of first questions I ask myself when things are crazy. In James 4 he talks about drawing close to God and the enemy will flee. I know it’s true.