little mid week thought!

It’s 10am Ghana Time November 30, 2006. I am in Kirk and Nicole’s office sitting at the desk, which looks out the front window. There’s a GREAT breeze today, which is nice. It’s saving me from being drenched in sweat as I work inside. My plan today is to work on some video projects and my mind seems to be preoccupied and I kept thinking about blogging…so here it is. It’s like and after school special since I don’t usually blog in the middle of the week! J ha.

I’m spending some God time this morning reflecting on some things and reading Psalm 126 and 127. This morning I have thought of the joys of singleness but honestly I am also bordering on dwelling about, “Will I ever get married?” Now honestly I don’t usually dwell on this. But it seems lately these thoughts of marriage have started coming up more frequently.

I almost got married once. I was 23 when we broke up. It was hard for me because he essentially was my best friend and I put him on a pedestal that he would surely fall from because he is human and if you can believe this…I’m not perfect as much as I thought I was! I didn’t know the first thing about marriage for a lifetime or about marriage with God in the center so it was good we broke up. However at the time the break up hit me hard. Sometimes it stills hits me.

It wasn’t until we broke up that I really started following the Lord. We broke up on a Thursday and that next Sunday alone and weeping I begged God to show me Himself and teach me about him because I knew life wasn’t over… there had to be more.

So for the past four years God has taught me about Himself through the Spirit and what it means to believe in Jesus. I have loved, truly loved, being single, as I had found my identity in boys since I was sixteen. For the past four years it has been God showing, teaching, guiding me into the person He created me to be…come. I say become because I don’t think it ever stops…growing in Him that is.

But this morning I am thinking about marriage again. I still struggle with being attracted to someone and then dwelling on the possibility that ‘he’ might be the one I marry.

And this is what I want to talk about. I am the only one who does this? I mean is this the devils’ attempt to get you off course for the day and start letting your mind sort through all the possibilities? Just as I typed that I think the Holy Spirit just talked to me…that’s exactly what the devil wants to do…disrupt my course of what Kingdom work could be done today and get me focused about thinking of myself. Hum…. This is precisely the reason I love God. I love how we can be in prayer for ANY and EVERYthing. So today right now I’m ending this blog on the note of prayer. For all girls who want to sit and daydream about that future ‘guy’ they might marry. That God continues to give us peace in the fact He’s got this under control. I pray for myself that I would pray for my future husband and not dwell on the fact that I don’t have one and don’t know who it might be. But I pray that if I’m to marry then God’s working on his heart as He is working on mine. Jesus- give us strength in the battle of the mind! You might be thinking I’m crazy right about now…which could be entirely true! Oh and if you’re a boy…don’t worry most women are crazy….it’s just depends if they’ll admit it or not! Haha kidding…sort of!

Have a GREAT DAY! Hey Jesus’ birthday is next month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!